The choice to be a stay at home mom often occurs during pregnancy, when your child is born or when they're young. It's a time you know that you're needed by them as a mom. But what about as they get older? Will it then be time to head back into the workforce.
Maybe. Maybe not.
There's much to be said for continuing to be a stay at home mom even through the teen years, as I hope to do. Kids don't need you in the same way when they're teens as they did as babies and young children, but they do need you.
Being at home with them means that you have the chance to get to know all their friends. You get to know what they enjoy doing. You get to continue guiding them in their choices.
You can do all of that as a working mom, of course. It takes more effort, especially if your schedule isn't cooperating, but it can be done. The stay at home mom merely has a simpler way to manage all of that.
Even so, there are a lot of factors to consider.
How Are You Feeling About Staying at Home Longer?
I've always said being a stay at home mom isn't for everyone. Neither is being a long term stay at home mom. It's a lot of work and despite how some feel, there's nothing wrong with wanting to do other things with your life as well.
A mom who is miserable staying at home may not be as good for her kids as one who is happy working outside the home. You don't really want to be showing your kids that it's okay for mom to be miserable in her lifestyle. I feel that you can still make your children a solid priority even if you aren't a stay at home mom.
One of the wonderful things about kids getting older is that you can think about if you really need to be home all the time. When they're in school, you certainly have the choice to do something other than wait for them to come home. It might be a hobby, it might be a part-time job, it might be a business, it might be saying "wow, the house is quiet..." although you'll probably get over that last one.
How Are the Finances?
Most families make a big financial sacrifice when a parent decides to stay at home. It's not cheap. As the kids get older it might be time to rethink the finances and decide if the sacrifices are really worth it.
You still have the choices of a stay at home job or a home business, but if you're doing one or both and not bringing in enough money, you may be considering something outside the home. Or you may be saying "I can finally get enough hours in now that the kids are in school!"
You should be paying attention to your finances even if you aren't struggling, of course. You don't need to be bringing in enough money to pay for huge family vacations every year, but you should be doing well enough that you don't struggle with debt.
How Will the do Kids feel About You Returning to Work?
You'll naturally be concerned about how your kids feel about you returning to work. They'll often be a little concerned, especially if you've always been there for them.
Sometimes you'll have to return to work even if the kids don't like the idea. If your family needs the money to get by, that's the most important part. If you're going back to work more for your own satisfaction, you can talk to your kids about that. Be honest with them. Kids love having happy parents.
Some children have more need of their parents than others. If there are genuine problems that mean you need to stay home, that's a big factor to consider. There are times that it is necessary to sacrifice your personal goals. That's not going to be true for many families, but if there's more of a need for you to be home, don't forget about it even as the kids get older.
Don't be at all surprised if your feelings about whether you should continue on as a stay at home mom become mixed as your kids get older. That's normal. There's so much of an expectation that moms will go back to work that it's hard to go another path. But if continuing to stay at home is right for you and your family, do it and be proud. If going back to work is the right choice, do it and be proud.
Keep doing what's best for yourself and your family as a whole, and it's probably going to be the right decision.
Maybe. Maybe not.
There's much to be said for continuing to be a stay at home mom even through the teen years, as I hope to do. Kids don't need you in the same way when they're teens as they did as babies and young children, but they do need you.
Being at home with them means that you have the chance to get to know all their friends. You get to know what they enjoy doing. You get to continue guiding them in their choices.
You can do all of that as a working mom, of course. It takes more effort, especially if your schedule isn't cooperating, but it can be done. The stay at home mom merely has a simpler way to manage all of that.
Even so, there are a lot of factors to consider.
How Are You Feeling About Staying at Home Longer?
I've always said being a stay at home mom isn't for everyone. Neither is being a long term stay at home mom. It's a lot of work and despite how some feel, there's nothing wrong with wanting to do other things with your life as well.
A mom who is miserable staying at home may not be as good for her kids as one who is happy working outside the home. You don't really want to be showing your kids that it's okay for mom to be miserable in her lifestyle. I feel that you can still make your children a solid priority even if you aren't a stay at home mom.
One of the wonderful things about kids getting older is that you can think about if you really need to be home all the time. When they're in school, you certainly have the choice to do something other than wait for them to come home. It might be a hobby, it might be a part-time job, it might be a business, it might be saying "wow, the house is quiet..." although you'll probably get over that last one.
How Are the Finances?
Most families make a big financial sacrifice when a parent decides to stay at home. It's not cheap. As the kids get older it might be time to rethink the finances and decide if the sacrifices are really worth it.
You still have the choices of a stay at home job or a home business, but if you're doing one or both and not bringing in enough money, you may be considering something outside the home. Or you may be saying "I can finally get enough hours in now that the kids are in school!"
You should be paying attention to your finances even if you aren't struggling, of course. You don't need to be bringing in enough money to pay for huge family vacations every year, but you should be doing well enough that you don't struggle with debt.
How Will the do Kids feel About You Returning to Work?
You'll naturally be concerned about how your kids feel about you returning to work. They'll often be a little concerned, especially if you've always been there for them.
Sometimes you'll have to return to work even if the kids don't like the idea. If your family needs the money to get by, that's the most important part. If you're going back to work more for your own satisfaction, you can talk to your kids about that. Be honest with them. Kids love having happy parents.
Some children have more need of their parents than others. If there are genuine problems that mean you need to stay home, that's a big factor to consider. There are times that it is necessary to sacrifice your personal goals. That's not going to be true for many families, but if there's more of a need for you to be home, don't forget about it even as the kids get older.
Don't be at all surprised if your feelings about whether you should continue on as a stay at home mom become mixed as your kids get older. That's normal. There's so much of an expectation that moms will go back to work that it's hard to go another path. But if continuing to stay at home is right for you and your family, do it and be proud. If going back to work is the right choice, do it and be proud.
Keep doing what's best for yourself and your family as a whole, and it's probably going to be the right decision.
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